


Snow bed

by Tanel



Category: Original Work
Genre: Fantasy, Other, fuck this shit, not feeling well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:15:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28117542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tanel/pseuds/Tanel
Summary: Wanted to write something but couldn't really keep up with any ideas.Finally came up with this, not related to planes though...It's past midnight and i write crap like this... Why... Idk....
Kudos: 1





	Snow bed

Three days passed by since he first thought of it.  
Now his mind was getting unclear and he found it too difficult to contain himself.  
"failed failed failed"  
He kept telling himself over and over again. His mind was a mess.  
He wanted to hurt himself so bad, but he knew it wouldn't really make anything better, it never did, yet he still found that he deserves it, he deserves the pain, the suffering and even death.  
While sitting on the side of the lake, looking at the snow falling on the ice, covering it, hiding the deadly threat underneath it he finally stood up, he looked into the distance and stepped a bit closer to the edge.  
He was already shivering and he was 3 kilometers away from home, but that was what he had planned long ago, he wanted this, he just tried to keep himself back from it, it felt too risky to do, but he had finally made up his mind few days ago and now he had made a decision, "this or nothing at all".  
He thought about what he had done, all of his mistakes replaying in his mind over and over again.  
He took a deep breath and let himself fall.  
Before he knew it he crashed against the thin ice and right through it into the deadly cold water, he immediately tried to get back up, when he was able to get back on surface he took a deep breath, it was so cold his whole body started acing, he felt his legs cramping up as he tried to swim back to the shore.  
Every single second the cold water started to sting more and more, he barely managed to make it and he basically crawled onto the shore to get away from the lake, after getting out of the water he fell on the ground, now lying on his side, shaking heavily.  
He curled himself up while trying to catch his breath.  
"i'm going to die…"  
He whispered, he felt as if he was in too much pain and his body was too cold to stand up and just walk.  
He couldn't do anything, he was nearly paralyzed.  
However the survival instincts started to kick in again and he simply forced his numb yet hurting body back up, he couldn't really feel his hands or legs, besides the fact that they were freezing, when getting up he started taking steps away from the lake, trying to go towards his home. It hurt and he was barely able to stand but he didn't think about it, he just kept walking, his arms hold tightly against his chest.  
He just kept walking and walking, just looking at the ground, but the further he got the more he felt the stinging cold pain again, after not getting much further than 100 meters he fell onto the snow, he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and tried to think of anything besides the cold and pain.  
It was too much for him to handle, his legs simply didn't listen to his brain anymore and he truly struggled to get back up, he gave out another shaking weak scream and rose onto his knees.  
"It's okay, i'm fine, i'll be fine, i can do it"  
He pushed himself back up, onto his feet and stood like that for few seconds, just trying not to lose balance again and fall onto the snow again.  
After few seconds he started walking again, through the snow, only trying to keep himself together and get home as fast as he could.  
Deep down he knew he might never get there like this but then again his survival instincts couldn't let him believe it, he just couldn't give up eaventhough he wanted to, he didn't really care if he froze to death, he didn't know where to go with his life anyway, even as he was walking towards home, fighting his own body from giving up, struggling to stand up and just move he thought about how he should just die like that, he started to get over from his mental shock and came back to the depressing mindset of never really being good enough, every mistake he had done, every lie he had told, every little failure, even as little as making a bad drawing. It all made him question his own existence and his worthiness again, he wanted to be good, he wanted to be successful, but he just simply couldn't, he just wasn't good enough, for anything…  
"everything i have ever done i have failed" he thought to himself.  
"you were never supposed to become a photographer, you were never good enough" his mind told him.  
"you will never find another job, you will never become independent"  
"you can't just rely on other until you get old, you should have bought your own home years ago, your parents don't need you into their house"  
"fucking parasite"  
"stop fucking around and be an adult"  
The more he thought about these things the more he felt he should just lie back down, on the ground and just freeze to death, it would be better this way…  
"You don't deserve to live"  
Suprisingly, those thoughts pulled his attention away from the pain and numbness of his muscles and he actually found himself way closer to home than he thought he would even get.  
"maybe i will make it… " the positive side of his mind thought.  
He just kept walking, in pain, shaking, barely feeling the ground underneath his feet, but his vision was getting shaki now and he started to lose his balance again.  
"no no no, you have to keep going, they love you, they want you home, your cat would never know why you left if you die now"  
"who would water your plants if you were gone?"  
"what would your parents feel?" 

These thoughts kept him motivated, and now he just refused to give up, he didn't want to die, he never wanted to but eaven when he was believing he deserved it the thoughts of just leaving everyone behind into deep sorrow and pain didn't let him to give up.  
Wile thinking those thoughts, going through the conflicts with himself he found himself more than halfway home, in fact he could already see it.  
"only few last steps… Please hold on, they need you"  
He started crying now, the pain in his body becoming too much again and his muscles refusing to move, he fell on the ground again, face against the snow, he barely was able to lift his head up to see a blurry silhouette of his house only 50 meters away, but he couldn't get back up no matter how he tried, now lying there, in the snow he looked at his hands again, they were getting from red to blueish white now and they were shaking heavily, his whole body was, it almost felt as if he had seizures, he was shaking on the snow, he could only turn his body over, onto his side.  
He tried to push himself up, "only few more meters… come on…."  
He tried to think to himself, but no use, his body wasn't listening to him and he was left into the snow, soon enough he just gave up and calmed down, now accepting his fate he caused to himself.  
This was what he had planned anyway, it was what he believed was right.  
His vision started to blur now while he was just looking at his home. So close, yet so far away.  
Deep down he hoped that the neighbors will drive past him and notice him lying there, but it never happened, he was alone, and the only company he had now was slowly approaching death, his whole body was numb and his vision was unclear, he couldn't even think anymore but atleast it didn't hurt anymore.  
The pain and cold slowly faded away and he fell into peaceful trace. He was getting unconscious, it was almost like a sweet heavy slumber, curling up around you, hugging you tightly,  
. He didn't even notice himself closing his eyes, his breathing got slower and slower, he was completely still and the snow falling from above covered his body with a white fluffy blanket.  
Few hours later he was peacefully resting in his white frozen bed. Noone could wake him up now, he was in an eternal sleep.  
Only on the morning someone would perhaps find him and he would be carried to his wooden bed.  
He could never do anything wrong ever again, he didn't have to worry about being good enough anymore and he couldn't fuck up.  
He can just sleep now.


End file.
